Hi, hi, hi, hello. It’s been nearly a year since we first met and things have changed. The weather has gone from summer to autumn to winter and to spring again. You’ve probably grown a little taller. But I haven’t. In a sense, I’m still me and you, you’re still you. See, I was once really afraid, because I heard that it’s easy to get caught up in the changes around us and forget who we are. And the more I tried to preserve things exactly how they were, the more I felt like they slipped away from me, one by one. You ask me what’s new, the truth is, everything is new. Whilst you were away, I aged a year, I cut my hair short and I grew a little more independent. I stopped thinking about a lot of things, but I have even more on my mind. Don’t worry, I’m doing fine, I learnt a lot while you were away. Leave things as they are, they will get better in time.
Everything is black, everything is black.
When you’re young a summer holiday feels like eternity. Now the days, weeks and months past so quickly I can’t believe I’m half way through my degree already. I feel like I only just started. I don’t want to graduate yet. Time is precious and I’m kicking myself spending 30 hours at a job I hate. How do people even work 9-5 at jobs they don’t like? I’m trying to live a life where I don’t get everything handed to me with a silver spoon. I’m trying to take care of my own expenses. I’ve always wanted to grow up faster and to live faster than everybody else. The truth is I’m scared of being left behind.
I have been president for something like a month, and today for the first time, I felt like I truly regretted that decision. I was not born to lead, I was not born to do anything that requires responsibility and mental endurance. Today I feel helpless and frankly, quite fucking sad.
Anyone in the same position as me may understand that the glory that comes with the sound of the position is nothing like the reality of the job.
The reality is that you can’t please everyone, the reality is that sometimes you just have to do the bad work, the reality is that sometimes no one will see the effort you put in. But that’s not even just the tip of the ice berg. Every day people call me “president” but I have never felt more small and insignificant in my life.
Right now I am debating between quitting or going into a deep sleep and waking up a year later. I’m probably overreacting, I hate myself for being weak, for letting small shit like this affect me but the truth is I am like the emotionally weakest person that I know. I don’t cry, but I dwell upon things for what feels like eternity.
There is a song called the truth about reality. It is one of my favourite songs. I think today I realised one of the truths about reality. The reality is that I’m here and it’s lonely. My friends think I have no time for them anymore, the truth is I have never been surrounded by so many people in my life, but felt more alone.
"What is your ideal type?"
I hate dumb boys. I only like people with direction, who work hard and know what they’re doing. I would never be attracted to someone who shows off or is cocky. I like someone that has similar interests and can make me laugh, who takes care of themselves and the people around them. If they’re filial I don’t care if they’re not social or stay at home on Friday nights reading or some shit. Things like looks and money don’t matter to me, I know everyone says that but they really don’t. I want my SO to be my best friend but I don’t want to do everything together. I would never make someone wait for me or take them for granted. I’ll do everything by myself. I don’t like people paying for me or buying me things. I hate couple crap, I don’t like romantic things and anniversaries aren’t really my thing. Wow the more I type the more I think I should just be single.
The answer to “what is your ideal type?”
just wanted to stop by and tell you that you've become someone who I admire. you always try to look at things at a positive light and when you write posts of your achievements and/or how you've become a better person makes me want to try and achieve what i want in life (its going to take a while but hey we've all been there) i wish you continuous future success and hope you've been well
Wow. Thank you.
That was one of the nicest things that someone has ever said to me.
I hope great things happen to you too, and if I know you in real life, I hope you talk to me soon so I can buy you ice cream.
Bless your kind soul.
I landed a position I had thought I could never achieve, something I had spent countless hours day dreaming about. It isn’t much but through pure luck and some really amazing friends I have now a new home and a family of committee members. But treading the fine line between work and friendship is difficult and keeping everyone happy is nearly impossible. I find myself coming home later than the last bus every night, holding countless meetings and interacting with people I would have never had the chance to talk to. How do I keep everybody happy? How can I be stern without being mean? How do I maximise our profits and improve our performance? How do I continue the legacy whilst adding my own flair? Right now, I have lost my voice and I can’t speak, but my head is full of thoughts and I want to write this down. I made a promise and I’ll stand by everything I said. Life has never been so challenging but I am happy. I want to remember this moment now.
This evening I saw my friend for the last time before they go back to Hong Kong forever. When we were saying our farewells she started crying. No one has ever cried whilst saying bye to me before. If I ever write a drama about my life this will definitely be one of the scenes. (I was thinking maybe to couple it with a sad ballad by Baek Ji Young.)
Anyway, today I learned 3 important things. One, there IS such thing as a bad dessert, two, I am ridiculously good at Big Two and three, genuine friendships are hard to find. When you’re a quarter through your life you’d think genuine friends would be easier to find or something. Well they’re not. At least for me. So I am glad for the few people in my life that are always supportive and honest with me. One of my friends once told me, you know you actually love someone when you’d take a bullet for them. That’s pretty extreme since I heard bullets hurt and may also cause life long physical damages but hell, I’d take a few for you guys.
I don’t say it often and I know everything I say always comes out as sarcastic but you guys know how stupidly deep I go on here and this is one of those times. Thanks guys for always putting up with my shit, for listening to my rants and stupid thoughts, for maybe reading my Tumblr posts and not leaving me, for not judging my music tastes and celebrity crushes and lastly, also most importantly, for knowing how much I stalk people but not reporting me to the police and moving to another country.
Love you guys,
omfg I’m laughing so hard
My mum knocks on my door and is all whispering and is like “what do I do your sister is getting bullied” and I’m like what do you mean
and she shows me her Facebook newsfeed and one of my sister’s best friends commented on her wall “u ignore all my msgs u stupid bitch”
Makes me feel so bad if my mum knew what me and my friends call each other we would be arrested or something.
I am so tired and angry with this world and I can’t even go to sleep because I have to do an assignment for someone which gets me to this point on why do I always feel like I am bending over backwards to help people? Awhile ago my friend and I were talking about how we always feel like we’re considerate and aware of people’s feelings around us but why can’t other people do the same? Sometimes it seems really unfair.
Customer service is really important in retail jobs but I feel like whenever I don’t speak Chinese to Chinese customers they’re okay but if they find out I can, I just end up being stepped on and they’re just super demanding and rude to me. This has happened so many times and it makes me so angry. I conversed with you in your native language to help you, to let you understand things better so shit is less foreign, but then you just end up demanding more things from me and treating me like how they do in Asia.
It’s like when you lend your friend a shoulder to cry on one time and they start to come to you every time they have problems. That’s okay but they only ever come to you when they want to vent, and have no consideration to your life or your feelings.
Why does it seem like every time I try to be kind to people, they just get used to it?
Okay this post is so stupid. Just like how I feel after writing it. Bye.
Scumbag unfollows me
yeah sorry i don’t follow any of my friends anymore hahahahahahahahaha
1st August - This Is Your Captain Speaking
Everything’s going to be okay.
26th July, 2014
omg I said I would never go to another kpop concert… next minute going to B1A4 …. laters dignity, bye self respect
This legit happened
Omg I forgot to write about this but when I had my Chinese exam a few weeks ago I thought my seat number was 1997 so I made my way to that spot and as I was putting my stuff on the table and about to sit down this rude chick comes up to me and says
"um excuse me I think I’m seat number 1997"
and I was like “I think I’m 1997 though?”
and she’s like “well I checked okay I’m 1997”
and I’m like “?? but I am pretty sure I’m here”
and she’s like “I’ll show you on my phone okay I’m this spot”
and she whips out her phone and then she freezes and she’s like
"LOL JK I’m seat 1977 k bye!!!!" and she just walks away
WORD FOR WORD SHE ACTUALLY SAID “LOL JAY KAY”