Today I did my Chinese oral presentation and I felt so ashamed, not because I didn’t do well or because I made mistakes but because there are people in my class who are White, who came from non-Chinese speaking backgrounds who did presentations so impressive (and without looking at any kind of script) that put mine to shame. I guess why I feel ashamed of myself is because I had the opportunity, time, knowledge and skill to make a killer presentation but I chose to be lazy and do the bare minimum, knowing that writing a script in the last minute would still give me a good enough mark. Tonight I realised that even if you do badly when giving your 100%, you’ll still feel better than if you do well without giving it your all.
Everyday is a struggle, one that begins with an optimism that disappears
towards the night. I cannot continue to lie to myself because I am only
letting myself down. Why can’t I fight the monster? Because the
monster is me. I am fighting a losing battle. I feel so trapped
that some days I feel like I can’t even breathe. I used to
be so strong but now I just let myself down, again and
again, wondering when will it stop, when can I be
myself again? I guess all I want to say is that
it’s been two months and I’ve tried to stop,
tried to pretend that everything is fine
but in reality I am the furtherest I’ve
been from being fine. I am not
me any more. I don’t know if
I can be me any more. I am
not okay, not yesterday,
not today, maybe not
even tomorrow. I am
not excellent, I am
not good, I am
not fine, I am
For Chinese we have this optional essay and we can write about somewhere we want to visit that’s unpopular and talk about why we want to go there.
I wrote about my fascination with North Korea and how I want to go there in the future. I asked my dad to help me with my essay and translate some parts from English.
He changed everything I wrote and just wasted all my words on random irrelevant shit about China and America.
IT’S THE ESSAY POLICE
YOU’RE UNDER ARREST
Now he’s gone to play Candy Crush and said he can’t be bothered.
And when I told him to help me more
and demanded to know why he changed my essay
he just farted in my face.
NOT EVEN JUST ONCE.
I HATE YOU DAD.
- friend: teach me how to pick up chicks in the library
- me: pass a note saying "hey"
- me: "you have a booger on your cheek"
- me: "just thought you should know"
- me: and when she goes to the toilet to remove it
- me: leave a note on her desk that says
- me: "you are boogerful"
I am so glad I passed that stage in my life where there only topic I had immense knowledge in was Kpop.
(I can now talk about K-dramas to quite an impressive degree too.)
This kid was the centre of my universe, for a very short but significant while. I spent my every waking moment with him, and when I wasn’t, I very much wished I was. It’s hard to describe it because whilst it wasn’t love it was something. I would of taken a bullet for him, easy. It’s hard to find who is the exact same as you- someone who loves the same songs as you, who laughs to the same beat as you, who even shares the same birth date. My cousin once told me that there exists two very important roles in your life; your soul mate and your lover. Some people are blessed to have just one person who is both. She said whilst your lover is the one you end up with, your soul mate is the one who defines your very existence.
what happened to tom anderson-chan did he turn into an asian girl???
he’ll be back
he’s like a cold sore
it may seem like he has disappeared but he will actually always be with you
(idk i’ve never had a cold sore why did I use this analogy)
Ugh I’ve become so used to leaving assignments to the last minute that I’m now only able to work under pressure. I can only write my best work a day before the due date, this is horrible.
once my best friend messaged me and was like I just met this girl yesterday and when she found out I knew you she started bitching about you
and I was like wow what did I do
and my friend was like apparently on the train you pretended not to see her and you picked up a newspaper and started reading it
and I was like so what’s wrong with that
and he’s like
apparently you were holding it upside down
I told my best friends I got an interview at Topshop today and they were like, “oh cool man” and I was feeling so sad about their unenthusiasm and then after an hour the topic came up again and it turns out they heard it as “Op shop”.
Racism - okay and not okay
This is okay:
I hate stingy people.
This is also okay:
I hate Asian people who are stingy
But this is not okay:
I hate Asians because they are so stingy.
Please stop targeting and/or generalising an entire race. Stereotyping is bad enough but I have to put up with racism too? The example I have used is actually quite mellow compared to what I have heard. Please, it’s 2014. Wake up. I am so done with working with racist individuals who think it’s okay to slam an entire race in front of me based on one person they’ve had trouble with. I don’t care if you’re offending a race that I am not associated with, I will still call you out about it.
Somehow people I work with think it’s okay to throw in racist remarks from time to time but it wouldn’t be okay for me to point out the quality of their education because some of them still don’t know the difference between they’re, there and their.
Other people spend their nights dreaming but you don’t, you spend your nights awake. The circles under your eyes are the constant reminder that no matter how hard you stare into your own eyes you just can’t see a soul. I know your struggles and I know your insecurities but I cannot fix you.
You don’t really hate people until you work retail.
That moment when you realise you care about someone way more than they care about you. It really sucks.
Maccas made me a social butterfly
Jokes I still only have the same 3 friends.
But I just feel like thanks to the big “M”, I have gained confidence to talk to people in my tutorials since I have to talk to an extra 300+ people a week.. (even if they are customers and all I say is “would you like an apple pie with that”). Whatever. I’ve actually made acquaintances in all my classes.
CAUSE THAT’S RIGHT I’M NOT GOING THROUGH ANOTHER SEMESTER OF NOT TALKING TO ANYONE IN MY TUTORIALS
TURNING OVER A NEW (LOOSE) LEAF
GOING TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS
OR DIE TRYING